Signs he’s testing you… In the beginning parts of a relationship, both men and women test each other. Sometimes it’s conscious. Other times it’s subconscious. They don’t even know that they’re doing it.
But one thing is for sure. How you respond to these tests will set the entire tone of the relationship. So it’s very important to understand what’s going on when you’re being tested and what you can do to respond in a way that will build attraction and help you to be fully respected in the way that you deserve to be.
Now there’s three tests that I want to talk about:
- The sexual test
- The sarcasm test
- The kindness test
Each one of these are different and they’re testing for different things. So it’s important for you to have a baseline understanding so when these situations come up you are aware of it and you can make the right decision.
These tests very often are almost designed in a way to break down your value and to allow a guy to get what he wants. It’s important for you to be aware of these things so you don’t lower your standards. You don’t go below your threshold of what you need and who you are.
Signs He’s Testing You – The Sexual Test
The first test is probably the most common which is the sexual test. There’s a couple of different ways that this can manifest but basically a man is testing you to see how quickly he can sleep with you and potentially he may even be testing you to see what percentage of the relationship can be spent just fulfilling his sexual needs, versus actually building an intimate relationship.
The first is just him escalating physically. I mean that is how he’s testing you. He’s constantly escalating physically or he’s escalating verbally. So if he’s touching you, if he’s moving closer to you, if he tries to kiss you. It might even be more subtle, where he’s just in your personal space. He maybe puts his arm around you, it’s not overtly sexual, but he’s escalating and also verbally.
If he says things that are flirtatious and sexual really early on, maybe even before you’ve met in person. These are pretty much red flags. If he’s doing this before you even meet, if you’re looking for a lifelong committed relationship, I would encourage you to just be very cautious.
So how do you pass the sexual test?
It’s simple. Basically you hold yourself to your own standards and you don’t allow his escalation to go past any point where you don’t feel comfortable. And this is a huge issue.
I speak with so many women who feel pressured, they don’t want to seem like a prude or they don’t want to kill the mood. So they allow the the escalation, even though they didn’t really want it or felt like it was too soon.
This is very important, a man that you’re going to want to spend the rest of your life with, he is going to have to respect you, care about you and desire for you to feel comfortable. You only want to be with someone who considers your comfort. Not someone who’s going to try to make you feel uncomfortable just so they can fulfil their own sexual needs. That is someone that you want to run away from.
So if a guy is pushing you or making you feel bad, that’s a guy who’s basically using shame, guilt or manipulation to get you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable for his own sexual gratification. That is not someone that should not be attractive to you.
Ultimately, the way that you win that test is by not listening to him, not escalating and choosing not to play the game at all or setting the boundary and being very clear that this is not happening on his time. This is happening when we both want it to happen.
If you’re already intimate with one another
Whether it’s just kissing or whether you’re sleeping together. Then the question becomes what is our relationship? Do I only see him maybe late at night when he comes over and we speak for a minute and then all of a sudden we’re getting physically intimate? Do we spend time doing things that are not physically intimate? And is that what I’m looking for?
Is every time I see him all about the physical intimacy? Because if that’s the case, more than likely you’re being used and it’s important that you are getting what you want out of it. If that is what you want out of it, great, as long as you’re fulfilled.
But it’s important to be aware of what your needs are and making sure that you don’t just give and give without your own needs being met.
That’s how you pass the sexual test. It’s basically standards. You hold your own standards, you don’t allow yourself to be manipulated to please someone else.
Signs He’s Testing You – The Sarcasm Test
The root of the word sarcasm is stark and that literally means tearing into the flesh. I mean that is not nice. Now I realise that sarcasm can be very funny. I struggle with being overly sarcastic at times myself.
If a guy says something to you that is not really nice. If he’s teasing you or if he’s kind of doing little criticisms about you but he’s masking it in a joke. Like “I’m just kidding! I’m just kidding! Lighten up.”
I can tell you that that is a red flag and he’s testing you. At this point whether you realise it or not and if you just laugh along that’s basically training him that he can treat you in that way.
You’re training him that he can say things that are not nice as long as he masks it as a joke and I encourage you to stop and to let him know, say “Hey! That’s not nice! I don’t think that’s funny. I like it when you joke in a nice way, where you’re being nice to me.”
If you just laugh along, those sarcastic statements can turn into disrespect. So that’s definitely a test to watch out for. It’s one of the most common ones actually.
Sometimes when a relationship starts getting a little bit rocky, many times it can begin with sarcasm. Just getting more and more sarcastic with one another, because it’s kind of a passive aggressive way to communicate with a partner.
Signs He’s Testing You – The Kindness Test
This is an easy one. Is he treating you with care? Is he thinking about your needs? Or are most of his actions based around his own desires?
This is really important. You deserve a man who’s going to be kind, considerate, thoughtful and maybe he talks a big game. But the bottom line is how is he treating you?
Like I said earlier, we train people how to treat us. And if he’s not acting in a way that’s consistent with how you deserve to be treated, then look at the relationship and ask is this really what’s best for for me? No, no it’s not. You deserve to be treated with care and consideration. That’s the time you draw a boundary and say this isn’t working.
If you can follow these three tests, which are all about increasing your standards and not allowing people to treat you in a way that you don’t deserve to be treated, you will pass all the tests.
This should be your authentic reaction anyway because you are a goddess and you do deserve to be treated kindly.
Let me know if you’re aware of any of these signs he’s testing you and if there’s any other tests that you have been aware of in a relationship that might be helpful for us to discuss.