Are you in love? Or are you just scared of being alone? Unfortunately, love is something that fades. And sometimes, it might be helpful to recognise the signs early, rather than too late. If you are no longer in love with someone, you have to let them know.
Many people seek love or to be in a relationships, but that involves growth, compromise and vulnerability. Love demands that we constantly improve, be more understanding and practice patience.
On the other side it also means knowing when things just aren’t working out anymore and having the courage to leave. Confused about how you feel?
Common signs you were never actually in love
You move too fast
Infatuation thrives on speed, whilst love takes time to develop. Relationship expert Susan Winter says “Infatuation lives in illusion. Love can survive reality”.
When you’re quick to jump in a relationship with someone, you base it off your dreams more than whose really in front of you. Common examples include fantasising about your future with them, lusting after them, and obsessing about them after only a few weeks of knowing them.
You expect perfection
You expect them to be flawless, and then you get angry or disappointed when they show you who they really are. Do you believe in soulmates or fate? It sounds good in theory, right? But Winter states that infatuation needs perfection in order to survive.
When you expect your partner to be consistently well dressed, articulate or impressive with their accomplishments. You’re not giving them space to be honest with you.
Love, on the other hand, is grounded. When you love someone, you accept their imperfections, work through the bad and enjoy the good together.
You can’t relax around them
Okay, who hasn’t felt self conscious about saying the wrong thing or making a bad impression? But when you truly fall in love with someone, that’s when you can let loose and stop caring so much.
Doctor Brené Brown research expert on vulnerability, discovered that those who have a strong sense of love and belonging are more open to vulnerability.
Whereas those who feel disconnected with their partners consistently build their walls up. When you don’t share your emotions and struggles, or secrets with someone, you haven’t fully loved.
You distance yourself
It’s normal for passion to intensify initially only to taper off into a steady relationship. It actually has a name, limerence. But two people in love will still want to be around each other frequently.
If you find yourself wanting to get away from your partner more and more these days, cancelling dinner plans often because you’d rather go hang out with your friends or family, then something’s up.
When your mind is elsewhere, your heart follows too
Stephen Betchen, author of magnetic partners states that “Partners who are in love tend to maintain a focus on their counterparts”. When you notice the little things about them, or express concern when the two of you run into conflict, it shows that you care for them.
But if you avoid those tough conversations or slip away from arguments, you also stop emphasising their importance in your life.
Have you been having trouble sleeping? Psychologists say that anxiety can present itself like this. You might have something you need to get off your chest and dread how to break the news to your partner.
Remember, you can only run away from the truth for so long before it catches up to you. Forcing love when it’s absent will only hurt the two of you. Both of you deserve to find love elsewhere if it cannot be found in your relationship.