21 Things No Londoner Ever Wants to Hear

“We’ve got two tickets left in the upper circle, but they’re not together.”

“Unexpected item in the bagging area.”

“It’s turning into a Tesco Metro.”

“We’ve seen a few things we can afford in Zone 6.”

“Let’s meet at Leicester Square.”

“It’s been turned into luxury apartments.”

“You can only get a mortgage for four times your annual salary.”

“The station is closed due to an alarm condition.”

“There are severe delays on the Piccadilly line.”

“There are severe delays on the Northern line.”

“There are severe delays on the Central line.”

“There are severe delays on the Victoria line.”

“There are leaves on the track.”

“We bought it before the area was trendy.”

“It’s currently about £450k for a one-bedroom flat.”

“Let’s go to Bella Italia.”

“Let’s meet at Piccadilly Circus.”

“I’m afraid we don’t take reservations.”

“A rail-replacement bus service will be running instead.”

“Two pints? That’s £12 please.”

“Last orders.”