There’s Nothing More Boring Than Pictures of Other People’s Children. Especially in Bad Poses.
I know, it’s quite the statement and an opinion that’s hard to admit in polite company. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t splash photographs of my son all over this site. Well that and the fact that several weeks ago he went to bed and woke up a ‘tweenager’, (I know it puts my teeth on edge just saying it too!) ergo he no longer wants to be treated like a child and would quite welcome his mother disappearing into a large dark hole in the ground when he is trying to appear grown up, walking home with his friends. But there is some truth in it. Of course he’s incredibly handsome and yes, I know, I’m incredibly biased. I’m immensely proud of him, he is already the very person I have always hoped to be. He will change the world someday, I’m sure of it!
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I don’t know if it’s because I birthed my son almost a decade ago, or if it just went over my head at the time through my sleep deprivation induced stupor. But I do not remember newborn photo shoots ever being a thing. I was talking to some ladies from the village this afternoon and this topic came up. I’d say about 80% of the group downright hated them. They claimed that their hatred is because the babies are always squished into an elaborate outfit or stark naked on a rug and rolled into a little ball and then Photoshopped so they look like dolls with terrifyingly googly eyes or creepy porcelain skin and that they are awful, awful, awful. Almost macabre… Anne Geddes certainly has a lot to answer for!
Personally, I think that the conversation was slightly veering towards another social class debate, where all the women come together to compare and critique Mothers whom they deem to be of a lower social standing than themselves. Although, I’ll admit I, myself, did have to delete an old school friend after he posted his wife’s pregnancy photo shoot on Facebook. On what planet would anyone think the rest of your friends want to see you snuggling your heavily pregnant semi naked wife when you’re wearing nothing but your pants?! I was traumatized for weeks! No, no , no, they’re even more naff and creepy than the bump photos where the whole family stares at the naked exposed bump with expressions of wonder and joy as if they’ve just seen a vision.
And then again, I’ve never really understood pregnancy shoots – probably because a semi-naked picture of myself at that point (at any point!) was the last thing I would pay for. I’m not keen on professional photos in general to be honest. They just seem so contrived and don’t feel ‘real’. Even wedding photos just seem fake to me. Just not my cup of tea, give me a cheesy selfie or quick snap of grandpa going all gooey eyed over their grandchild any day. I definitely dislike all professional photo shoots, I’ve never seen one that doesn’t make me cringe. But my toes really curl when I see a beautiful new baby with a huge, hideous headband on. Normally it has some type of over sized flower on it, often with sparkly bits and usually pink. Your baby is amazing and beautiful, it doesn’t need accessories! One of my close friends is a photography assistant on newborn posed shoots. According to him, the end result is the product of significant image manipulation. Combining elements of lots of different shots and also airbrushing blotchy baby skin. It all seems a bit much to me.
By the time you’ve paid for the shoot and the actual products around these parts you’re looking at upwards of a grand. Seriously, have they lost their ever loving mind? High on new baby hormones? A cold hard one thousand pounds. Do you really think little Tarquin is going to thank you for the professional photo of him sitting in a flower pot when you can no longer afford to contribute to his University education. Give me a cheeky home snap of a snuggly baby in a onesie any day.